How to Avoid Being an Asshole

There seems to be a serious asshole epidemic spreading around the US right now.  I thought I would do my part and lend a hand by offering some tips on how to avoid this terrible condition. Below is a list I’ve compiled of basic techniques on how to avoid being an asshole.

  1. Comprehend the fact that you are entitled to NOTHING in life.
  2. You are NOT the only person driving on the road.
  3. Stop assuming that successful people do not HAVE to work hard.
  4. Stop assuming that people of little means do not WANT to work hard. Actually, just stop assuming altogether.
  5. Show up to appointments that you schedule. If you’re even remotely unsure if you will be able to make it, DO NOT schedule it. People who work by appointment depend on you to show up to earn income. Cancelling at the last minute is just as bad. (emergencies aside)
  6. Learn how to have patience. If you are not able to do that, please just stay home.
  7. Compassion! If you can’t learn it, then fake it. The world is so hard, please spread love.
  8. Do not scream at or demean the person on the phone, working behind the counter or serving you food and drinks. You look like an idiot and people speak poorly about you when you leave, so just stop. You are embarrassing yourself and you don’t even know it.
  9. If you’re too cheap to tip properly, do not eat out. Servers make less than minimum wage. They are not there volunteering to serve you. This is how they put food on their own table. End of story.
  10. Do not blast businesses online and leave nasty reviews before giving them an opportunity to make it right. More importantly, STOP leaving reviews for businesses you’ve never patronized. You’re stripping integrity from the system and ruining this concept for businesses and consumers.
  11. Be happy when others succeed or have something good going for them. Celebrate their wins. Never say things like “Must be nice!” “Do you ever work?” Or “You’re always on vacation.” It makes you look jealous and bitter and that is not a good look.
  12. Stop being so damn unreasonable!
  13. Your lack of planning is NO ONE else’s emergency!
  14. Respect others’ time. It is extremely valuable so stop WASTING it.
  15. Miserable? Cool, but please keep that to yourself. Company does NOT love misery!
  16. Discipline your kids.  It takes an enormous amount of discipline to be successful in life.  Instill that in them now while its still learnable.  There were no “ice cream bribes” for me growing up. All my mom had to do was give me “the look” and I knew what time it was. Your kids will be grateful later in life for that discipline. I certainly am.
  17. Sick? Kids sick? STAY HOME. If that is impossible, wear a mask. Your kids’ sick days are not your personal days to run errands. That’s how the rest of us get sick. And it’s unfair to your kids. They should be home resting. So please, just don’t.
  18. Quit believing that your children do no wrong. STOP blaming teachers for your children not doing well. You are LYING to yourself and doing them no favors. Put down your phone and teach them accountability and how to interact with difficult people.  Our future desperately needs this.
  19. Learn how to have a filter when in a professional setting or dealing with strangers. Stop making people feel so uncomfortable.
  20. Understand this… most business owners are not “rich” nor do they “have it made.” You have NO CLUE how much time, energy and stress goes into operating a business so unless you’ve owned one personally, keep your snide remarks to yourself.
  21. You know what they say about opinions… everyone’s got one. Yours is no more valid than anyone else’s. (And we heard you the first 20 times!)
  22. For the love of God, please understand that you will never change anyone’s political views. So before you share another biased political garbage article, please consider the rest of us who are tired of that drama on social media. Also, you’ve probably been unfollowed by the people you’re passive aggressively trying to reach.
  23. Stop slacking at work. All you’re doing is dumping more work onto your colleagues and they resent you for it.  And if you think your boss doesn’t notice, you’re wrong. Take pride in your performance.
  24. Quit complaining about stupid first world problems. If you’re one of those people, please go out to see and experience different parts of the world. It will change your perspective and you desperately need that. Stop embarrassing the rest of us.
  25. Do not have speaker phone conversations in public places. It’s awkward for everyone around you and no one wants to hear it. Text like everyone else or take it somewhere private.
  26. Do not drive under the influence. It is completely UNACCEPTABLE. Dowload the Uber and Lyft apps. Be a responsible adult.
  27. STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING.  When we see you weaving all over the road, we know what you are doing.  You’re displaying a blatant disregard for human life. STOP!
  28. Stop feeling sorry for yourself over trivial stuff. We’ve all been dealt a bad hand before, it’s all about how you play that hand.  Skill>Luck
  29. Quit holding grudges. Grudges are bad for you and everyone else who is caught in the crossfire. Life is short, move on.
  30. Follow through with your word. That’s called INTEGRITY and it is one of the most important qualities you can possess.
  31. RSVP to events. EVEN IF YOU CAN’T ATTEND! (I’m still working on this myself)
  32. Last but not least, USE YOUR FREAKING TURN SIGNAL!  Why is that so difficult?
It’s really not rocket science! Can you imagine what a difference it could make if everyone just made a small effort to practice common courtesy?
What would you add to the list?

11 thoughts on “How to Avoid Being an Asshole

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